Losing weight does have its down side.
If you had told me three years ago that I would sometimes miss being fat, I wouldn’t have believed you. When I was overweight, I thought being skinny would solve all my problems. That if I could just lose the weight, everything else in my life would fall into place.
Now, 40 pounds later, this just isn’t the case.
Don’t get me wrong. I am so happy I lost the weight, and while I’m still not where I want to be, I don’t ever want to go back to being as overweight as I was.
There are a huge host of advantages to being thinner now. I have more energy, I wear smaller size clothes, I am more confident, I feel prettier, I have higher self esteem. The list goes on.
Still. There are just some things that are easier when you’re fat. And at the top of my list? Not having to think about food.
The Weight Loss Mindset
When you embark on a weight loss journey, or any kind of diet, you really have to focus on everything you’re putting into your body. Every bite, every morsel of food, every calorie. It all adds up and it can make or break you.
Because of that, it’s inevitable that you become obsessed with food.
I mean, I thought I loved food before I started losing weight. But it turns out that was only a passive kind of love. Like when you see a dog on the street and you think “aw he’s cute.” But loving food when you’re losing weight equates to stalking that cute dog, following him home and taping photos of him all over your bedroom.
Food has now become all I can think about. Before I even sit down to have my breakfast, I’m thinking about what I’m going to have for lunch and for snack and for dinner. I’m always looking forward to my next meal. To the next thing I can eat.
Then there’s the tracking and the calculations. The adding and subtracting and wondering if you have enough room in your day for an extra rice cake.
It’s a lot. Weight loss screws with your brain, and I’m still trying to figure out how to put mine back in its normal state.
The Hard Truth About Food Obsession
The worst part about this is that obsession is not only inevitable, but necessary. To be successful in weight loss, you have to pour yourself into the whole process. You have to commit and dedicate yourself to your goal — and that includes your brain. You have to become obsessed.
And if you’re not obsessed, do you really want it enough?
Weight loss doesn’t work unless you wholeheartedly want to lose the weight. You have to want to reach your goal so bad that you’re willing to do almost anything to get it. Including losing your mind.
The Bright Side
Thinking about food all day every day can be exhausting, but it does have its advantages. Over the course of my weight loss journey, I’ve discovered a newfound passion for healthy living. In fact, I created this blog around that passion!
I’ve become more adept in the kitchen and found that I actually really love cooking. And not just the part where I get to eat after I’m done. I actually enjoy the entire process of cooking.
I’ve also become much more adventurous with my diet. I used to be a super picky eater when I was young, which partly lead me to making unhealthy choices and becoming overweight. But as I’ve moved to a healthier diet and lifestyle, I’ve found new foods to enjoy.
I actually like and want vegetables now. And salads are one of my favorite foods. If only Maria from three years ago could see me now…
The Path to Food Freedom
I do miss not having to think about food. The obsessiveness can be a lot to handle, and it sometimes takes its toll.
I dream of the day when I don’t have to track every bite of food I eat, when I can just be mindful and rely on myself to make the right choices and eat the right proportions. I know I will get to that point eventually. And if the path to get there means I need to be obsessed right now, then that’s just fine by me.
Because the truth is I really don’t miss being fat. I don’t miss waking up every day hating my body. I don’t miss getting tired walking up a flight of stairs. I don’t miss feeling self conscious at every social gathering.
I am so much better off now that I’ve lost weight. Crazy, food-obsessed brain and all.
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