How Letting Go of My Insecurities Helped Me Gain a Better Life

Riding in Cars with Boys…and Other Things I Didn’t Do in High School

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I was what you would call a late bloomer. I didn’t get my first kiss until college or my first real boyfriend until I was 19. And while I fantasized about dating all through middle school and high school, I never acted on any of my feelings.

I was scared.

I’ve always been a little shy and growing up I was overweight. My extra pounds made me even more insecure than I already was, and that made me collapse in on myself.

I spent a lot of time by myself, which I didn’t really mind at the time. I loved reading and watching movies, still do. I focused a lot on my studies and was one of the top students in my year by the time I graduated.

And while I can’t say I really regret anything — I don’t really believe in regret — I do sometimes wish I would’ve tried to look outside of myself more.

I Was an Insecure Introvert

I had friends, though it was a small group. But I was never invited to any of those cliché high school parties. I didn’t go to prom with a boy. And I didn’t have that quintessential high school sweetheart.

I daydreamed about having a boyfriend constantly. I consumed romcom after romcom, hoping that one day my life would turn out like one of these movies I loved so much. I desperately wanted to be Molly Ringwald, and I wanted Jake Ryan waiting for me outside a church on my sixteenth birthday.

There was just one problem though. I didn’t look like any of the women in these films. I was chunky with massively curly hair that I couldn’t seem to manage. I had terrible fashion sense, and my go-to look was jeans and a T-shirt.

If I could go back and tell that girl one thing, it wouldn’t be to lose weight. It would be to forget about the weight.

I Let My Weight Hold Me Back

I don’t know how many potential friendships, romances, events or who knows what I’ve missed out on because I was too busy worrying about my weight. These things that I so desperately wanted, the boyfriend who always seemed so far out of reach, was probably right in my line of sight, if I had only just looked up.

When I did eventually get that quintessential teenage romance, though a little late, my issues with my weight still creeped into the picture. My college boyfriend was overweight too, which made me feel better about myself, but not in a good way. I felt like he was the type of guy I deserved, the only kind of guy who could love me.

And while he was nice enough and treated me well, he was lazy and unhealthy and together we brought out each other’s worst habits.

Fast forward a few years to the day I met my husband. I remember the first thought I had upon seeing him for the first time was “Oh he’s too skinny for me.” I had ruled out all potential of a relationship because of my weight.

I thought my weight made me less than. That I wasn’t good enough to have a guy like this. I figured I’d have to settle.

I Got Over My Insecurities…And Found Love

Luckily, my insecurities didn’t stop my husband from pursuing me. He was able to look beyond my weight and see me for me. And eventually his confidence in me inspired me to lose that weight that was holding me back.

Now I have the romcom romance I always wanted and I’m living out my own happily ever after.

And it’s not that losing the weight made me happier. It was losing the power that my weight had over me. Getting healthier and leaner was just a side effect.

Like I said, I don’t regret anything about high school. Because I was always meant to be a late bloomer. I was always meant to find my husband, the man who would help break down the walls I had built for myself.

This is the path I was always meant to be on. And I’m no longer letting my weight hold me back.

Written by

Copywriter. Blogger. Wife. Bibliophile. Romcom Lover. Tea Addict. Grammar Nerd. Email me: maria.elharaoui@gmail.com

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